10 easy ways to promote self-regulation at home or in care
Because kids can’t learn to calm down without being shown how.
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions, behaviour, and energy in a way that’s appropriate to the situation. It sounds simple, but for many kids (especially those who are neurodivergent or have experienced trauma), it’s one of the hardest skills to develop.
The good news? Regulation can be taught. And the best place to start is not in the classroom, but right where kids live, feel, and connect: at home or care settings.
Here are 10 strategies you can start using right away.
1. Create a predictable routine
Predictability is calming. It gives kids a sense of control and helps them feel safe.
Try:
Visual schedules
Countdown timers for transitions
Giving pre-warnings (e.g., “In 5 minutes, we’ll pack up.”)
When kids know what’s coming, they’re less likely to feel overwhelmed.
2. Co-regulate before you expect self-regulation
Children can’t calm down on their own if they haven’t experienced calm with someone first.
Try:
Staying close by and breathing slowly
Using a soft, calm voice and body language
Saying “I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”
Your calm becomes their calm.
3. Use body-based tools
Regulation isn’t just about thoughts; it’s about the body.
Some young people regulate through:
Movement (jumping, walking, stretching)
Pressure (weighted toys, big hugs)
Rhythm (rocking, tapping, music)
Oral input (chewy snacks, straws, gum)
Know what helps your child’s body feel steady.
4. Build emotional language daily
If you can name it, you can tame it. However, many young people need help learning the words to express what they feel.
Use:
Feelings charts
Storybooks about emotions
“How did that feel in your body?” questions
Visuals with faces and colour zones
Emotional literacy is a key building block for regulation.
5. Model your own regulation
Let young people see you regulate in real time.
Try:
“I’m feeling a bit stressed, so I’m going to take three breaths.”
“I’m frustrated, but I’m going to get a glass of water and reset.”
“This is hard. I’m using my strategies too.”
Young people don’t need perfect caregivers. They need authentic ones.
6. Give choices whenever possible
Autonomy promotes regulation. It helps children feel less trapped or controlled, which reduces reactive behaviour.
Try:
“Do you want to have your shower before or after TV?”
“Would you rather do this together or on your own?”
Even small choices make a big difference.
7. Make regulation visual
Verbal cues can overwhelm dysregulated kids. Visual supports provide clarity without the pressure.
Use:
Calm-down choice boards
“I need..” communication cards
First-Then visuals
Regulation thermometers or traffic light charts
Visuals meet the child where they are.
8. Practice outside the moment
You can’t learn to swim in a flood. Teach and practice regulation skills when things are calm.
Create:
Calm-down practice routines
Role play of tough situations
Regular “regulation check-ins” (e.g., “How’s your body feeling?”)
Repetition builds confidence for when it really counts.
9. Reinforce effort, not just outcomes
When a child tries to regulate, even if it’s messy or incomplete, celebrate the effort.
Say things like:
“I love how you noticed you were getting frustrated and took a break.”
“That was hard, but you used your tools. I saw that.”
“You didn’t yell this time. That’s progress.”
Reinforcement builds motivation to keep trying.
10. Create a safe space for regulation
A calm space (not a punishment space!) provides kids with a place to go for support.
Set up:
A space with sensory tools, pillows, and visuals
A safe place to walk, swing, or rest
Access to their Behaviour Support First Aid Kit
Make it an option, not a demand.
Final thoughts
Regulation isn’t something kids “just know how to do.” It’s a skill, one that’s learned slowly, gently, and with lots of help.
When you create an environment that teaches, models, and supports regulation (instead of demanding it), you’re doing more than reducing behaviours of concern; you’re building safety, resilience, and long-term wellbeing.
And that matters more than any perfect behaviour chart ever will.
Rosie 🌹